Today I Was....

...all by myself..and I am happy to say that I have been able to step back and kind of do a meta-analysis of some things. I, (as we all have I'm sure ) have been through so many things, done so much and lost so much in such a short span of time (I'm only 32 for goodness sake!!) and throughout the whole time I felt like I had been running. Sometimes with my head up, sometimes, with my head down. I think it is time now for me to stop running and take a look back at all I have done, seen, lost and gained and begin to start planning a new trajectory based on that.
I have finally decided to get over my strife and start moving on with things. Some things that I not able to "get over" namely, deaths, but I have learned from them. Somehow I still try to appreciate all that I do have. This is important in the context, I feel, of where gratitude (or perceived luckiness) comes in to play. It is very easy to think about what I have lost or failed to accomplish- but it could be much worse. It could be a lot worse. Countless people throughout the world and throughout history would literally have killed to have the (relatively) easy "problems" or "issues" I have now. Some people cannot afford to put food on the table for their family or stay warm at night. Some people are not loved. Everyone has a long list of things that get them down- failures, insecurities, unfortunate events from the past, ineptitudes, fears, etc. Conversely, everyone also has a list of positives- Future possibilities, loved ones, strengths, past successes, etc. I think that life is a matter of which one of these lists, I choose to look at longer. That is why It's A Wonderful Life (I love this movie) was such a successful movie, it brings to life that premise.
I know we have all been hurt in the past. Deeply hurt in the past. I know that MY life has had as many genuine rough patches and hardships as anyone I am acquainted with. Put differently- my list of things that could bring me down is as long as anyone else's I am acquainted with. I also think, however, that my list of attributes is just as long as anyone else I know.(well..I hope it is anyway! *smile*) If I am able to get past (or at least come close) to past disappointments- then they can hurt me only once. But if I dwell on them, and act based upon them- they will hurt me many times over- I suppose that is not unlike Shakespeare saying that "A hero dies but one death, but a coward dies a thousand times"
I would like to think I am doing a very good job of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It is hard. It is also feels great knowing that I have my friends(Gator, Hogie, Stan, Brett, Chels, Hess {to name a few}) my sister, my dad, Wayne & Cammie, who helped me through my hardships, even though I know friendships are earned- I am very lucky and I appreciate having them. Sadly, some people don't have that and trust me, I recognize and appreciate that I do.
Everyone has problems, everyone has hardships, and everyone has shit that gets them down sometimes. That is how life works. It was not promised to be easy or make sense. None of us even asked to be born, really. What is important is that I am here, so are my friends, my family. I guess I am just trying to make sure all of us make it to the finish line. When someone falls I try to pick them up and don't make a huge deal about it, because assuredly, I know that I could fall as well and will need them to pick me up. This is life. Nothing is guaranteed and if I am able to seek out some genuine, good-natured pleasure on a regular basis then I am doing better than most people on this planet and I truly feel blessed about that.
Ok, that was kind of ramble-y. Sorry. I am not sure if I wrote that for anybody’s sake or for mine. *smile* I guess that is, for the most part, a lot of my life's philosophy.

Whew!

Be safe... *wg**tc**ng**ew**ss**th**jk**bs**

cl**hc*