An Angel On My Mind...

Smile!! Thinking about the perfect 10 toes, 10 fingers, the little nose, your mouth that I didn't have the chance to see smile...

Love is......

Love is...... what makes you smile when you're tired.

My Laugh is like "WHOA"...

Have you ever heard me laugh? I am doing a study on "How One's Laugh can Determine Your Character." (FYI. I didn't pick this topic) Agree or disagree? And if you agree, and you HAVE heard me laugh... What does my laugh say about my charcater? Please comment. Looking forward to reading what you have to say...

Power Point....The "AWARD SPEECH"

FINALLY FINISHED !! Hurray!!! And what a presentation it was!!!!!

I have to put a shout out to all those who, I just couldn't have done it without...To "TRON", what can I say? Never would have been able to do this with out you..Literally...Thanks for telling me how to "open new page"... Using all of your technological terminology...Thanks. Ahhhh yeeeahhhhh..... Funnyman, talk about being stressed out huh? Thanks for keeping me umm.."Amused" and for keeping me on track..Not always..But yah did what you could. Much love to you!!! And of course...I have to thank my heavenly Gator, without whom, I would not be here today. Your love and support is what has carried me throughout this project and kept me going. Thank you !!!! THANK YOU and PEACE OUT!!! tee hee

"Ain't it the truth...It's the Truth" - Duckie Dale

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"The Pure and Simple Truth is Rarely, Pure and Simple" - Oscar Wilde

"Children Seldom Misquote You. In Fact, They Usually Repeat Word For Word What You Shouldn't Have Said" - Unknown

"A Life Spent Making Mistakes Is Not Only More Honourable But More Useful Then A Life Spent Doing Nothing." - George Bernard Shaw

"Forgiveness Is Not An Occasional Act; It Is A Permanent Attitude" - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"There Are Two Types Of People: Those Who Divide People Into Two Types, And Those Who Don't" - Anonymous

Today I was .......

…..In South Africa. Where the sun rises and sets consistently with an array of color. Hues of orange, yellow and pink illuminate the sky, surrounding the sun. Sitting on a chaise on the front porch, with my knees pulled up to my chin, letters, pictures and memories at my feet. Conversations that we once had, giggles and innuendos that were made, whispers that were shared…mmm…. His face comes to my mind and I *smile*. My mind races with thoughts about, what is yet to come. The anticipation of him finally arriving is at its peak. Warmth covers me as the goose bumps on my skin rise. The ache that I have felt for some time now, is at its height.

In the distance I can see the elephants making their way to the destination of their choice. Without a worry, not having any concept of time; they walk freely through the grass lands, swinging their trunks, often walking into each other or so it seems from here. A giraffe feeding, on the high trees, its long neck and the outline of his shape is all that I can see. Only distance between us.

My thoughts disturbed by the sound of a jeep coming my way. I look up and I *smile*. It’s getting closer. My *smile* widens. My heart begins to beat wildly. I see it. It stops in front of me. I can’t move. There is no going back now. The door opens, and he steps out, closing the door, bag over his shoulder, he looks up at me and *smiles*. Neither one of us can move. Time stands still. He begins to move towards me, slowly. As he gets closer, the movement of his body relaxes. He drops his bags, he climbs the steps and now FINALLY he is in front of me. Emotion overwhelms us both. We can’t speak. There really isn’t a need. He is in front of me looking down. My hand rises to his. He accepts it, squeezes it. He climbs behind me on the chaise, he lies back, and I turn around, resting my head on his shoulder. His hand caresses my cheek; the other hand rubs my back. My hands are on his neck, his chest. Like I had always known….Words wouldn’t need to be spoken. Just a look and a *smile*, could tell our story. Our story truly began as we watched the sunrise for the first time together. (nash)

Today I am....

...Sitting on the patio of Shanghai Reds in Marina Del Rey. Sipping Mimosas, enjoying the warm breeze that is caressing my face, watching as the seals swim in the cool blue water that surrounds the patio in its entirety. The pelicans ..mmm... beautiful. Sunglasses, hiding my face...My hair swaying around my shoulders with the rhythm of the breeze. Sun kissing my shoulders. I'm warm...comfortable, relaxed. Thinking of everything, but really nothing at all. Peoples voices, diminish in sound into the background of my thoughts...Only HIS voice and HIS words ring true to my ear. I sit there and make the mistake that so many of us feel compelled to do...go over and over "it" again, trying to think of ways you would say or do things differently. It doesn't matter now, it's not going to change the outcome, he is no longer there....The images of him walking towards you, changes....He isn't walking towards you anymore. Images have been altered. Now he stands farther away then it seemed before. And desolately, you know that one day, the reflections that you have in your mind will be of him standing there, even pausing perhaps. BUT HE will turn and walk away. It doesn't matter how long it takes for you to get to that point. Sadly you are aware that his walking away IS inevitable. Soon his laughter will fade...Slowly the sound of his voice will fade too...But never completely....And that is where my thoughts have brought me today. Memories alone, will not be enough to slake my want, my need, for him to be walking towards me....With that wicked smile, dancing eyes and outstretched hand..............(W.H.B)

Yesterdays

Yesterday - Ricky would have said "Hi Sweetie!!! Would you like a cocktail?"
Yesterday - My brother would have said "Can I come with you guys? Please!! Please!! I'll do
the dishes for you....."
Yesterday - Dray would have said "I'm not feeling very well...." A day earlier.
Yesterday - When I heard "Shwell!!!!!!!" being called out...I wouldn't have turned around.
Yesterday - When I was told that I would be driven to the airport..I would have found my

own way.
Yesterday - When Timi called and asked me to try a cigarette with her. I would have not have
answered my phone.
Yesterday - When asked certain questions, I would have divulged more information.

Yesterday - I would have talked less and listened more.

Yesterday - I would have went to OH.

Yesterday - I would have respected sweet mesquite and believed more in, what was going on.

Yesterday - I would not have said "umm" so many times.

Yesterday - Nothing would have stopped me from seeing *w.h.b*

Yesterday - I would have screamed "HERE I AM...LOOK AT ME NOW"

Yesterday - I would not have said "Take Care" and hung up the phone.

Yesterday - I would not have given up so easily.

Yesterday - I would have not said another word.

"....Oh, yesterday came suddenly.. she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say... said something wrong, now I long for yesterday... love was such an easy game to play... I need a place to hide away, I believe in yesterday." Lennon - McCartney

To: Tina Chaun

I wanted to take a moment to say a few things, that I doubt I would actually ever say in person..Well I might..But I doubt it would sound as well thought out...So here's hoping that you read this.....

"Happy Mother's Day" to my sister, my best friend...

I just want to tell you that you are appreciated. But I also know that you are not made aware of that very often.... Everything that you do, that you say....The little things....You do for everyone else...Never do I see you take the time for you. I'm not sure you realize how much you are loved,and appreciated...Maybe its our fault, maybe we don't show it enough.....But I see it...I see it everytime that you are talking to the kids, their eyes light up, (even when they are in trouble..tee hee) when they hear you laughing outside with me...They come running to the door...And they are already smiling.....I see it when I am holding Jack and as much as he loves his aunt Sheshie...It is you, that he reaches out for and breaks out into that wicked "Jack" smile that of course you can't help but fall in love with...I can see, when Jess comes home, and even at 12 still likes to be hugged and touched by her mom.....(cause I know, I wasn't doing that at 12 *smile* hadn't I moved out by then? JK) I love that you and Cammie are so close, and already I know that you will have a relationship with my daughter, like I do with Aunt Linda...And that couldn't make me happier...That says so much right there...And you know what I am saying.
I love that since we were kids you have always been my confidante and regardless of what trouble I was getting into...(even now haha) you love me for who I am.. I love that I can still make you laugh, even at the worst of times...That I guess is my gift to you....I love ya Ti..And thank you for not only being my sister but also my best friend. Happy Mother's Day.

A Free Spirit..........

A Free Spirit - "One who is not restrained as by convention or by obligation, a non-conformist."
Throughout my childhood, my teens, and even my adulthood, I have been described as a "free spirit"...I always took that as a compliment,an acclamation... Something different...Something jovial, special. I heard it. I read it. I felt it. That was me. I still feel the same way....When I am in one particular situation for too long..I feel caged, restless..I look for an outlet, some way to express my desire to "fly away"....And I don't want to land...so I don't...I haven't........but can he accept that? Is my "flight" worth the will to find out? hmm...

Camryn

She sits on my lap, on the backyard deck that I just built, my own satisfaction making me smile, she turns her head and looks up at me, smiles and says " good work mama"!!! Her appreciation makes my accomplishment and satisfaction that much more glorious...I look around and notice that the grain on a few of the boards are not going the same way...Small things...Camryn notices that I am looking at something... That I am concerned about something that I see...She gets up and inspects my work and says "this is just perfect". I forgot about the misplaced boards...We go inside the house and Usher is on the television...Camryn immediately starts to dance and sing the lyrics to "Caught Up"...I watch her and I smile...Her curls bounce, her eyes dance along, as her body moves to the music..Her voice loud and clear..She knows the words, she knows his routine and tries to copy them...To me she is perfection. When she laughs, it comes from her belly, and it is contagious....I smile and laugh along with her..Sometimes not even knowing what she laughing about..I can't help it. Our smiles widen as I dance along with her, our identical dimples deepen, as I attempt to sing- a- long with her....The music is loud..Our laughter is louder....Over the music..I hear.."Look at me Mommy"!!!!! Unaware that I already cannot take my eyes off of her....her beauty goes way beyond the surface of her skin.....She loves to make people smile, whether it be a relative, a friend of mine or her daddies... Or her cousins..She is always being funny and trying (with success) to make people laugh. Yeah...She has jokes...Her delivery is what makes her jokes hilarious...Because more often than not...She is laughing at herself before she has even begun to tell the punchline..What a wonderful quality to have....Being able to laugh at yourself...Hopefully she will keep this characteristic...mmm..It's "quiet time" now...We turn the TV off, turn the stereo on....I lay back on the couch with my legs up....Camryn climbs up on top of me, laying her head on my chest...Her arms holding me, my face is in her hair, kissing her head, rubbing her back...We talk about our days, we giggle, she falls asleep...And I lay there, savoring this moment..For this moment is "perfect". And at this moment...I HAVE "landed"......

The ILIAC vs HAPPINESS

For those of you, who have read my blog (specifically the blog entitled "The Iliac Crest")...Let me clarify something....As sexy as the "Iliac Crest" is...And trust me..It is......LET ME CLARIFY......There is NOTHING SEXIER than a man that will rub your back, when you come home from work, or ask you how your day was ( and really CARE how it was..), or cuddle up with you on a Sunday morning..Or better yet, continue to hold you after a passionate night of 'cuddling'...Or who will stand behind you, as you are cooking dinner and wrap his arms around you, as you are cutting up the vegetables at the sink..And whisper in your ear how beautiful he thinks you really are, or when out...He could be across the room and somehow with hundreds of people around find you, catch your eye and give you a look, that you KNOW is only MEANT for you....(and guys..This does go both ways). There is nothing sexier than THAT look...THAT man..Not even the Iliac crest....Not even close. I personally, feel that I have met this man..The man sexier than the Iliac crest.....Lucky, lucky me!!! Girls eat your hearts out...*wink*

C.A.S

The time that you need will be there.... just don't let the moments of laughter, excitement, truths, and giddiness, slip your mind and fall into a endless sea of memory where only future thoughts, dreams and desires exist......(unless of course a "Bean" is included in those thoughts.*smile*)

What you see, is what you get....OR is it?

I have always maintained a "I am what I am"...(and no..Not like Popeye) or like my tag line...."What you see is what you get" attitude...Always, always ALWAYS. Ask anyone that has known me, for longer than a minute..They will tell you. I try not to falter from that...But I am not perfect...There!! I admit to that as well. *smile* Who knew I had it in me huh? *smile*
Until recently...I felt I was an open book and anything that I did keep to myself..I felt justified....I really did. But where I made my error, was expecting that everyone should give me the same in return.....An open book policy...A typical 'give and take' relationship....With friends, co workers...Interests, Loves....."In likes". I expected it. And I received it. But I didn't return it. Not always anyway and not to whom it really matters. And it bothers me..That I did that. It truly does..I know how I would feel on the receiving end of that..(been there ...Done that...And it is not a good place to be) I wouldn't like it. I would *hate* it. Nobody deserves to be the "giver" all the time and get nothing in return. Nobody. However, in my thought process..I was protecting my own and it is hard to sway away, or see someone else's point of view... When at the time...Your own decisions, that you made and thought, you had made a firm, solid decision was the correct one...Only to find out that you were only taking in to consideration your own feelings..And not the person on the receiving end of it. It is not fair..And I do apologize. I would change the way that things went down, if given the opportunity.

I ADMIT.....

I never had a problem admitting when I am wrong...Can't say that I like it...But who does?

THE ILIAC CREST.....

MMMM.....The Iliac crest....What is that exactly? Well...Thanks to ALL of my knowledge that I have gained in my medical terminology classes..Which seems like I have been taking for years...I can tell you that it is (besides being the sexiest part of a man..MMM) the "upper margin of the ileum"...Basically the "v" shaped bone that starts at the hip and ends in the ..umm..The pelvic area.....Sorry Snickers..LOL I had to "go there"...mmm ok..Still not getting it? Well Usher...Shows it off...ALL the time."J"..I am sure you have it...Gator has it....umm yeah...Ok, so I still have not answered why I love, love, love (did I say LOVE?) the Iliac Crest...Well..I honestly don't think I can descriptively give it justice...It is JUST the most beautiful area on a man....Great to look at..You know..If his pants sit in just the "right spot"...mmm..And it is of course totally kissable..*blush* LOL Well IT IS!!!!! Oh and did I happen to mention that Taye has an amazing Iliac Crest? Well...Let me tell you...He DOES!!!!! OH..And for those of you that don't know..Taye is my main man....Ok, ok so he really isn't "my man"....But there is nothing wrong with a little imagination right? Tee hee.........

Something Profound.....

"He who created us without our help will not save us without our consent. "
Saint Augustine
(thanks for sending this to me Jay...there was something about it, that stayed with me today, and hopefully will tomorrow and always)

Freedom of Speech....

hmm....What has this world come to? A place where I, (Shell, Shells, Sheshie, Semmie, ShellieBean...) can go to and write and write and write about whatever is on my mind....hmmm how dangerous could that be? For those of you that know me....LOL...You KNOW I am going to have some fun with this....For those of you that don't know me....But happen to come across my blog......"Hi..Nice to meet you !!!! And welcome to my world!"

A day in the life....

What can I say? As I walk to where I parked my car.. I look around, aware of the rain that is falling silently.....Rain drops kissing the tip of my nose, lost in my thoughts...Thinking of tatopies, a funnyman, a wehobro and a whatway...mmm. Sounds of laughter trigger memories of past conversations, wishes, dreams, thoughts, desires, kisses. Sounds of laughter trigger, images of thoughts, desires, wishes and kisses..Yet to come...It's time...Can't wait.... In the car, Ms. Keyes is singing about "what goes around, comes around"...Stevie is up next..And he will be loving me "always"...And WHAT? Mr.Cullum is "Frontin' "....Move over Pharrell...mmm...Oh no...And GUY...Suggesting to "Let's Chill"....What more could a girl ask for?